So my pretties, to mark the imminent bump on to the transparent fused silica, it’s time for part two of this week’s cyberflannel. Afore my usual witterings, as we are stepping into a more sophisticated part of the world, where the Cheshire set hang out you know, I thought I might up the ante for a word or two by introducing some poetry, courtesy of the English great, Edward Young, (1683-1765) and a couple of lines from his epic work, Love of Fame, Satire:1.

Now hang on a minute, I haven’t completely lost it. I was doing my usual saunter around the boulevards of the t’interweb, looking for inspiration beyond being rude about Harrogate, when I came across a word “flaneur” – which apparently means someone who wanders aimlessly, a dandy and an idler, and thought how very autobiographical. I shall add it to my CV. Following other links from that word I found the poem I mention above, which describes a day in the life of your average eighteenth century loafer and ne’er do well…

Did I have you worried there for a second? Put down the quill and get Motorhead back on, Maureen.

On with the people’s poetry, National Division Three North!

BP host The Gate. Now ordinarily I would be looking for ways in which the Harrogate pants could be pulled down, but this week, with apologies, I can only see The Gate emerging triumphant. This would obviously be good news for us as we seek to keep the divide between our low hanging fruit and the flailing arms of Birkenhead Park as large as possible, lest they pull us back into the slough of relegation land. The Gate have not lost since Saturday December 8th when Sandal pipped them and in their armful of wins since then they have won by a margin of at least 16 points, and in fact aside from their win at Waterloo (29-13) all their wins have been by more than twenty points. No-one other than Rossendale who scored 29, has managed to get more than 13 at the other end while The Gate were spanking their collective botties.

Chester, who I am rumouring to have had a bout of first night nerves now they have seen the bride’s nightie, will entertain Kendal. However, despite the Mint Bridge men gathering a cracking “w” last week, surely the trip to Hare Lane will be a step too far for the Cumbrian side. In nine home games Chester have not failed to score less than 30 points and indeed have scored 40 plus in seven of the nine. Kendal have laboured like a pregnant earwig on the road, having a grand return of zip from their ten games away from The Bridge, although they have made a reasonable fist of a few games, they have yet to carry home the big W. Sorry chaps, cant see it changing this week.

Your two favourite uncles battle it out on the hearth in their y-fronts next, when Percy tackles Bernard. PP may have turned things round a bit with a win last weekend, but Burnage have won their last five, including good wins on the road at Wests and Birkenhead. Obviously their piece de resistance was their win over Chester last weekend, so they come into this game on a bit of a roll, if not a whole loaf. Percy sits fourth in the ladder with 59 league points while Bernard has slunk up to fifth with 56. If Penrith were involved I think this might be a draw, but possibly the momentum of five wins might just see South Manchester’s finest home.

Sandal remain unstoppable it seems. Have Billingham got the wherewithal to stop Sandal’s winning run which now stretches back to game seven of the season when Chester claimed the spoils. Billingham have won four from eleven on their travels, including their last away game at Lymm; but Sandal is a whole step up and Wakey’s finest wont want to be surrendering their unbeaten home record at least until The Bees visit for the last game of the season…Sandal to keep the pursuit of Gate and Chester in full flow with a five pointer, I believe, you don’t have to.

Waterloo entertain Rossendale and purely to keep Waterloo within our immediate grasp, I want Rossendale to win this won. Looking at form, both sides are up and down and variable from week to week, although the men from East Lancashire have hit a decent patch of form winning their last three, beating The Bees, Kendal and Penrith.
Waterloo had put together a nice little run of three wins, over coming Percy Park, Penrith and The Bees, but then ran into a brick wall last weekend and were given a thick ear by Sandal to the tune of 51-6. Home advantage should possibly sneak it for the men of firewood, but purely because it keeps Waterloo within our reach on 48 or 49 points if they sneak a bonus, I will plump for Tim Fourie’s men.

Our final game, before we open up the envelope addressed to Lymm, is Wests hosting Penrith. A coach load of fat ladies on an away day to the North East will be gargling in anticipation of singing at this game, but perhaps as a defiant last throw Wests might pull a rabbit out of the hat here. It is of no matter if the Bees win at Lymm, as that result would remove any possibility of Wests surviving, unless several teams from above is deducted a barrel load of points. As Penrith sit one place above The Bees in the old ladder, I think I will go for the Wests winning, just to keep Penrith squabbling down among the deader men alongside Waterloo, as The Bees suddenly glide serenely up and away. I can dream, can’t I?

Which leaves us with our fixture over at Lymm; let’s start with an update on the injury front, shall we?

The big story is the injury to Matthew Robinson who had just begun to feature regularly in the first team, who went ski-ing last week and managed to prang himself up nicely. He has a broken femur and hip, however, when I spoke to him from his Swiss hospital bed he assured me it was only a flesh wound and a rub down with a copy of the Sporting Life would have him back playing next week. That may have been overly optimistic, Matthew, but all the best for a speedy recovery.

Richard Scull has recovered from his ailments but will be on the bench on Saturday, while Chris Fisher’s knee problems will keep him out again this week.
Promising youngster, Henry Paul, continues in the centre alongside Richard Tafa.

A quick look at our recent record against Lymm:

On the 2nd October 2010, we lost at Wagon Lane by 22 points to 41, in a run of games where we just cold not hit an elephant with a banjo.

However, in the New Year 2011, when we were on a bit of a roll, we gained revenge for the defeat earlier in the season as we came out 19-8 winners. It was a fairly similar score line when we opened the 2011/12 season at Lymm and were victorious, 21-6. We book ended the season with a huge scoring game of touch and pass back at Wagon Lane on 21st April 2012, where we managed to come second in a 43-49 thriller.
Earlier this season we ran away with it 47-9 at Wagon Lane.

Top points scorer for Lymm this season is Cormack Nolan, who has notched up 71 points all told. This must be reflective of a large number of different players getting on the score sheet at Lymm as The Bees have four players who have more points than Nolan – Tom Bills and Richard Tafa on 80, Guy Ford on 85 and Richard Scull on 113.

Furthermore Lymm do not have anyone in the top 50 try scorers in the division, Richard McEvoy leads the way with 5 scores.

Lymm are the second lowest scoring side in the division having a total of 356 points, only eight more than bottom club West Hartlepool. The 44 tries Lymm have notched up have come from 21 in the backs, 17 in the pack, 4 off the bench and two penalty tries. 23 of those scores have come on home soil, 9 in the first half, fourteen in the second. 23 tries at home is the lowest in the division, and means that in 11 home games this season, the average score for Lymm is somewhere south of 17 points per game.

So I will end with a bit of that poem I was on about:

“The Tavern, the park, the mask, the play; those dear destroyers of the tedious day
That wheel of fops, that saunter the town, call it diversion, the pill goes down”

That’s all folks!

Love from Scoop.

Below: Tom Kanauros runs in for one in the match against Lymm earlier in the season.