At first I barely recognised the Tap Room Communist. He had several teeth repositioned so that he fitted in with the Banjo playing community, but I recognised that shower of spittle and it was definitely him, hiding behind a cheaper vintage of Dom Perignon in the snug of the Orb and Sphincter.

The boys with the banjos were tuning up for rehearsals for Fanny Crosby Memorial Day on Saturday February 11th when the call came in.

It was tattooed on the good leg of the pigeon which hobbled up and keeled over in front of us.

“Eight games to go and the boys need you, Scoop.” It was a simple message, but a call to arms.

Apparently Bingley Town Council had splashed on a torch and the Dawg sign has been in the night sky above Bingley, but hidden under a cocktail umbrella in the Orb and Sphincter, I had been oblivious. So, we bade our farewell to the gummy ones and set off for Bingley Central as fast as the Tap Room Communist could carry me.

So, last night as I barrelled back through the saloon doors of the Fox and Gynaecologist carried high on the shoulders of the Tap Room Communist. Rather than the heroes’ welcome we were expecting, we were met with the icy stares of the Serious Men of the Shoveha'penny committee. We had fallen into their annual meeting to decide who should be allowed to wear the horsehair shirt and tight fitting breeks which are presented to Bingley's Most Miserable for the following twelve months. As a youth I had been severely reprimanded by this very Committee for smiling while Geoffrey Boycott was at the crease…they are, indeed, not to be taken lightly.

Feeling the weight of their glare, The Tap Room Communist did a smart about turn and we spilled back into the haze of the front parlour, where at last we were welcomed. As the prodigals returning from some time away we were still exuberant, but the fatted calves which usually sit nearest to the bar made their excuses and sharply F-R-O, back into Main Street.

"So where have you been all these weeks, Scoop?" piped up Miggins.

"Wedged under a big woman" I lied.

I explained that a third pint of creme de menthe had sent the Big Un into a tailspin and caused her flop down upon me like a shot Zeppelin. This was the Saturday night of Bingley Music Live, and it was only when the Council came to start the clean up in the New Year that they found us still entangled like a paragraph from James Joyce's Ulysses. It took some explaining how I had to crawl out from the wreckage of the Big Un everyday to perform Ablutions and so forth, but it seemed all was forgiven as he we were again.

And we were indeed, here again. Brazillianed from top to bottom, having been hosed down with Mr Robinson’s Karcher and then found smart new clothing on the door step of a Charity Shop (why do they leave them outside at night?) we were ready to be reunited with the game of Rugby Football, ready for this this fine February afternoon to unfold. All right, I can see its chucking it down…

The town crier informs us that we are entertaining the Rappers' Delight, Messrs Malton and Norton this weekend on the fair greensward of Wagon Lane. It will no doubt be a toughie, and with Mrs Miggins' favourite Dream Boy, Harry Jeffrey, unable to get out of his shift wirth the baby oil this Saturday afternoon, entertaining the Yummy Mummys in the back room of Aldi, things wont be easy.

Yes, our second row might be looking a bit different, although Tommy "Altar Boy" Booth should be able to slip into the second row without anyone really noticing. It was Tom’s love of Gospel music that first alerted us to the fact that it is Fanny Crosby Memorial day today, as Tom’s parents were married on the day she was inducted into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame, back in 1975.

Since Tom gave up his dream of the Priesthood to take on the Captaincy here at the Bees, he has been one of the most consistent players in the side. He says the vow of celibacy has helped him focus on his Saturday afternoon's work in the tight and that may indeed be the way forward for this side, now that reprobate-in-chief, SW Oosthuizen has returned to SA.

Obviously we fought two toughies with the Rappers last season, and also had a roll about on their swamp earlier this season, with all three games being won by the Righteous. This Saturday will see Eminem restored to full capacity and it looks likely to be by far the toughest of our five home fixtures we have left on the collective plate.

The third highest point scorer for our visitors this season is the Penalty Try, and with the weather looking to be consistently foul, I think we can look forward to their pack coming through route one and also trying to get up to their usual mischief in the scrums, looking for PT number 6.

In the eight games we have to play we face the sides who are currently the bottom seven in the division and also our close rivals Penrith. While we are still involved in this cavalry charge for promotion, possibly our first priority has to be to haul in some points on the sides immediately above us, Alnwick and Penrith. Unfortunately, looking at this afternoon’s dust ups it is difficult to see past anything other than an Alnwick win at Dinnington, but possibly they might get restricted in the bonus point department. Penrith face Pocklington, the match of the day, which could be the game which enhances or ends Penrith’s chances of having a shot at the title.

Pocklington have won five games on the bounce, but Penrith have not lost at home this season – possibly a low scoring draw might be the best result from a Bees perspective, and a win for Penrith might just lift their tail feathers out of our reach. Penrith also face a tricky little run out to West Hartlepool next time out, so we may have the opportunity to haul back some of the seven points lag we currently have over the next two fixtures.

West Hartlepool also look to have a nailed on win in their jaunt to Wheatley Hills, as the men from the Hills have yet to win at home this season (or away for that matter!).
The good news is that the other four teams involved in the struggle at the top end all have to play two of the other big knobs in the next five games where the Bees do not and before the end of the season, all of the bottom four have to come to Wagon Lane.

I will see you on the other side.

Scoop.