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The penultimate Scoopadelica - the end is near

The penultimate Scoopadelica - the end is near

Nick Patterson15 Apr 2016 - 11:56
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2 games to go. Scoop assesses the options.

A celluloid favourite in our house is the Disney classic “Bedknobs and Broomsticks”. We were gathered round the Idiot Box this week for another showing, as Nightmare, our Goth nine year old, will only come out of the darkness if she gets to watch her weekly Disney.

While she was again transfixed, I was away in my post-absinthe haze but woke with a start during the football match sequence, as a vision came to me - Bradford Salem had replaced the Vultures in “Bedknobs” – patiently sat in their lofty Heaton garret waiting to pick off what remains of our flesh next week.

Hopefully the vultures will remain as disappointed as they are in the film and it will just be a ceremonial fixture and we will have nothing to play for, because the Salem boys will surely be hoping to tear a strip off us next weekend. I have had an icy chill down my back all week thinking about it and can only hope that the trip to Salem
needing a point will remain an alcohol induced hallucination.

Although Salem have not had a good run recently, having won only twice since November, they will obviously be raring to go on the 23rd. Jamie Booth for one, has been telling me as much since the fixtures were announced. Salem have set up a big tent for the pre-match lunch but I believe it is already sold out. However, it would be nice to see you and that other bloke up there to witness this unique opportunity to see the Bees tangle with the Boars in mortal combat, in what we hope will be our final game in Yorkshire One.

The only scenario where we will have to travel to Heaton seeking anything other than a good time, will be if Malton run away with the victory this Saturday, taking all five points tucked into their snake belt and we do not pinch the necessary bonus point from somewhere. While we will be involved in the Death Match up at Salem, our opponents from astride the River Derwent (Malton and Norton) have to take five off Hullensians, who remain the only side to beat us thus far into the league programme. So there are still ways we can get this job done even if we contrive to lose both remaining games and not get any bonus points, as Hullensians will surely not just roll over and get their tummies tickled.

The weather forecast has again worsened, and Keely Donavan included some snow in her last pronouncement, the minx. I say that, but I am rarely listening when KD controls the weather on Look North, but praise be we have the iplayer, as by the third of fourth replay I am starting to hear words form, and I am sure she said “snow”.

However, no matter what the weather, no-one in the Bee camp is expecting our visitors to vary their game plan too much from the crash bang wallop up the middle of the field, we witnessed up at their place. Tactics based firmly on the great tank battles of WW2, available on the History Channel, I understand. It is brutal stuff, but is obviously largely effective or Malton would not be as high as they are in the table.

The strength of the Malton pack is underlined by the fact that their top three try scorers are their open side flanker, number eight and tight head prop. Number 7, and skipper, Sam Triffit leads the way with 14 five pointers, followed by Josh Heggie on 10 and third placed is tight head, Ben Boothman, who is equal to Heggie with 10 tries of his own.

Overall, the Malton leading points scorer is centre Zweli Sodladla, a South African import, with 202 points, which includes 7 tries. The M+N website tells me that Zweli’s hero is Matt Giteau, which contrasts wildly with mine.

My hero, for this week at least, is the old Irish good-time guy, Beauchamp Bagenal. What I like about old Beau (1741 – 1802) is his style at the dinner table. He kept two loaded duelling pistols by his side; one for blasting open the next barrel of claret and one for shooting any guests who he deemed were not drinking enough. Although Beauchamp was lame, he was also a renowned duellist and used fight leaning against a tombstone. Wikipedia doesn’t quite explain how old Beau got his opponent to fight in the graveyard, but who am I to quibble, when a great eccentric is under discussion?

Looking at Malton’s results across the whole season they have lost two games on top of our victory on their swamp in December. Their two defeats have come at home to York back in September (10-11) and away at Heath, on October 24th, (25-23). Having read the match reports it also seems that both defeats were as tight that Freddie Mercury’s Jockey Shorts and had the odd bounce gone the other way this Saturday's game could have been even more of a knee trembler than it already looks likely to be.

I received a preview of the Bees team sheet via the old Social Media this week, which is rather more accurate than the cubicles of the Frog and Ninepence, my usual source. Looking at the team sheets, the major absentee from our line up from the game played up at the Gannock in December is obviously Gerhard Nortier. On the other side of the coin, one player who didn’t face M+N first time round who lines up for us is Lachlan Moore. The G man was obviously a key part of how we set our stall out for the first 5 months of the season, but it is to the immense credit of the boys that we have adjusted so well to life without G.

Lockie had returned to NZ when we faced Malton up at their spot (or blemish), so his presence in midfield should add a bit of interest this afternoon. Whether Lockie and Taylor get a chance to have a gallop or two could be the difference between the sides this Saturday , in my humble opine.

Anyway, I must dash, I have an egg on a slow boil.
Pip, pip.
Scoop.

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